A mask to cover all true emotions, a mask to cover all real thoughts, a mask to cover how much we hurt, and it's a mask i wear.
I know it's there, but i can't take it off, if something is said about how i'm really feeling, i just make it into a joke, but it's not! and the frustration that comes from that is almost unbearable.
"You can trust me" they say,
"We can talk anytime",
But i can't or i won't i just keep it inside.
Keep it to myself,
I'm not a burden or a worry
Someone asks "are you ok?"
I say "yes" in a hurry.
I can't say "i need help"
I can't ask "can we talk?"
If someone gets close i just know that i'll walk.
Why is it so hard for me to ask for help, ask to talk to someone? Too hard for me to ask for prayer when it's something i really need. I get so annoyed with myself because i'm just stuck in my own world, my own problems, and i'm too pathetic to ask for help.
AAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
(sorry, i'm just letting off steam, i'll delete it later!)
Wednesday 25 April 2007
Saturday 21 April 2007
Beautiful
What is beautiful?
Being a size zero? having perfect hair? perfect clothes?
A person who covers themselves in makeup and beauty products?
The women you see in magazines, are they really beautiful?
Seeing someone smile. That's beautiful.
The love amongst a family. That's beautiful.
Walking through a park in the summer, surrounded by colourful flowers and seeing the children laughing and just enjoying themselves so much. That's beautiful.
Seeing people who are happy with themselves, happy with the way they look, happy with their life. That's beautiful.
A couple of weeks ago i was at Steve and Gill's house, Christine was taking pictures of them in the garden with Lee, Sarah, Alex and Tara. They were all having a laugh and i could see all the love that they had for each other and it was beautiful.
That's another thing that's beautiful, being surrounded by family and friends.
With all these beautiful things, why do people try to change the way they look to make themselves into what they think is beautiful, which is only an image that comes from the media or people around them anyway.
In the bible it says "You should not use outward aids to make yourselves beautiful, such as the way you do your hair, or the jewellery you put on, or the clothes you wear. Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God's sight.
(1 Peter 3:3, 4)
We shouldn't focus on our appearance, but on our hearts and our spirit. We should focus on the way we are with other people and on our personality. If we have a beautiful heart and a beautiful personality, then we are beautiful, regardless on out outside appearance.
Being a size zero? having perfect hair? perfect clothes?
A person who covers themselves in makeup and beauty products?
The women you see in magazines, are they really beautiful?
Seeing someone smile. That's beautiful.
The love amongst a family. That's beautiful.
Walking through a park in the summer, surrounded by colourful flowers and seeing the children laughing and just enjoying themselves so much. That's beautiful.
Seeing people who are happy with themselves, happy with the way they look, happy with their life. That's beautiful.
A couple of weeks ago i was at Steve and Gill's house, Christine was taking pictures of them in the garden with Lee, Sarah, Alex and Tara. They were all having a laugh and i could see all the love that they had for each other and it was beautiful.
That's another thing that's beautiful, being surrounded by family and friends.
With all these beautiful things, why do people try to change the way they look to make themselves into what they think is beautiful, which is only an image that comes from the media or people around them anyway.
In the bible it says "You should not use outward aids to make yourselves beautiful, such as the way you do your hair, or the jewellery you put on, or the clothes you wear. Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God's sight.
(1 Peter 3:3, 4)
We shouldn't focus on our appearance, but on our hearts and our spirit. We should focus on the way we are with other people and on our personality. If we have a beautiful heart and a beautiful personality, then we are beautiful, regardless on out outside appearance.
Friday 13 April 2007
Beauty
A memory, memories of days where i wouldn't eat anything and i would be so happy with myself, memories of days where i would eat and then hate myself for it. Memories of a time when i would wait for there to be no one home just so i could run to the toilet and be sick, make myself sick. Memories of the days where i would look in the mirror and see no point in the life of the person staring back at me, because she was so ugly and fat, i hated her. Memories of diary entries with different weights in, all normal healthy weights, but at the time it didn't seem like that. Memories of a bruised stomach from how angry what i looked liked made me feel (and no one ever noticed any of it). I used to look at an anorexic person and think that she was perfect and dreamed that i could be as thin as her........i'm glad i never was.
I used to hate the way i looked, but now i'm slowly beginning to like myself, although i can see signs of how i used to be coming back, so i need to try and stop that now. If you look in magazines today there are lots of women who are too thin, they're just making themselves ill, and that's no way to live. Everyone is beauiful, when i look at people who are enjoying themselves, enjoying their lives i can see the beauty shining from them. When i see Sarah singing, she is beautiful. When i see Christine taking photos, she is beautiful. When i see Jenna and Serena doing their dance, they are beautiful. Everyday, you see a lot of people and every single one of them are beautiful, but i bet hardly any of them no it. I wish that when anyone looks into a mirror they can go "hey, i'm beautiful" and really believe it.
Actually, get up out of your seat now and go to a mirror, look at yourself and say "i'm beautiful" go on!!! ......................................................................................... now everytime you look into a mirror, tell yourself you are beautiful, beacause you are!
God didn't make us all the same size and He created everyone of us how He wanted us to be, so there is nothing wrong with the way you look, if only everyone could believe that and just be happy with themselves.
In my school there are a group of girls who are like the 'popular' people, and it's weird in class when they're sitting there saying all the things that are wrong with them and the way they look, and i'm thinking "hello! you're so pretty, there's nothing wrong with you!" but i suppose people find it hard to see the beauty in themselves.
Watch this and remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!
I used to hate the way i looked, but now i'm slowly beginning to like myself, although i can see signs of how i used to be coming back, so i need to try and stop that now. If you look in magazines today there are lots of women who are too thin, they're just making themselves ill, and that's no way to live. Everyone is beauiful, when i look at people who are enjoying themselves, enjoying their lives i can see the beauty shining from them. When i see Sarah singing, she is beautiful. When i see Christine taking photos, she is beautiful. When i see Jenna and Serena doing their dance, they are beautiful. Everyday, you see a lot of people and every single one of them are beautiful, but i bet hardly any of them no it. I wish that when anyone looks into a mirror they can go "hey, i'm beautiful" and really believe it.
Actually, get up out of your seat now and go to a mirror, look at yourself and say "i'm beautiful" go on!!! ......................................................................................... now everytime you look into a mirror, tell yourself you are beautiful, beacause you are!
God didn't make us all the same size and He created everyone of us how He wanted us to be, so there is nothing wrong with the way you look, if only everyone could believe that and just be happy with themselves.
In my school there are a group of girls who are like the 'popular' people, and it's weird in class when they're sitting there saying all the things that are wrong with them and the way they look, and i'm thinking "hello! you're so pretty, there's nothing wrong with you!" but i suppose people find it hard to see the beauty in themselves.
Watch this and remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!
Sunday 8 April 2007
Easter sunday
Today was great, I was so nervous/scared/terrified and i actually felt phisically sick, Jeff and Christine prayed for me (i think i would have been even more scared if they didn't) and when i got up there to do my thing i felt less scared than the first time that i'd done it (and that was only in front of a few people) and it was the best that i'd done it (which was so good!). When i was in the pool thingy ready to be baptised, my shaking had near enough stopped (or had at least been minimised) and then when i came back out of the water, i was shaking so much, from a mixture of being cold and the nerves i think, it was kind of annoying but i had just been baptised so i was happy anyway!!
Then after all the baptisms we had lots of fun things to do outside and the weather was beautiful, which made it even better, so all in all today was really good, plus i got my face painted woooo!!
Then after all the baptisms we had lots of fun things to do outside and the weather was beautiful, which made it even better, so all in all today was really good, plus i got my face painted woooo!!
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