A mask to cover all true emotions, a mask to cover all real thoughts, a mask to cover how much we hurt, and it's a mask i wear.
I know it's there, but i can't take it off, if something is said about how i'm really feeling, i just make it into a joke, but it's not! and the frustration that comes from that is almost unbearable.
"You can trust me" they say,
"We can talk anytime",
But i can't or i won't i just keep it inside.
Keep it to myself,
I'm not a burden or a worry
Someone asks "are you ok?"
I say "yes" in a hurry.
I can't say "i need help"
I can't ask "can we talk?"
If someone gets close i just know that i'll walk.
Why is it so hard for me to ask for help, ask to talk to someone? Too hard for me to ask for prayer when it's something i really need. I get so annoyed with myself because i'm just stuck in my own world, my own problems, and i'm too pathetic to ask for help.
AAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
(sorry, i'm just letting off steam, i'll delete it later!)
Moi :-D
- ~*~*~ Iona ~*~*~
- Conwy, United Kingdom
- Hi dee hi, ummm, what to say?? hmm, i'll get back to you on that one!!
7 comments:
don't delete it, we'll pray for you tonight and don't stay away
Don't you DARE delete this!
I know how you feel Iona! Don't ever think you're the only one who has a hard time asking for help. I'm learning how to ask for help too, and not keep things to myself.
It's scary, being real.
But just know that you're not the only one trying to pull the mask off!
Love you Girlie
don't delete it.
Most people wear masks. every day.
I'm fine
I'm happy
I'm doing all the right things.
Most people wear masks.
So many people keep them on forever. Not you. Look! you're peeping out. You're doing it right now. writing this blog was a big step.
I wear a mask too, it comes down when I am around people I know very well and it's so relaxing just being me. But then I find people who I'm afraid will not accept, will not understand the real me and up the mask goes again. I've been told that this is fine, you don't have to be completely transparent with everyone, all the time. It's true, some people will not understand you. But you know, you know some people do, you know that some people care so much for you, remember the list, eh? You know!
You are braver than most, you give us a glimpse of the real Iona, and the real Iona is so beautiful, the real Iona feels things so deeply, she's built up these walls to protect herself anf yet all these feelings still get in, things affect the real Iona so deeply and someday that vulnerabilty that ability to feel pain for others so deeply, that's going to transform the lives of others around you. But to get to that place you have to allow yourslef to be taken care of. You deserve it, you are not a burden, you re a joy to be around, and to get to know you is nothing but a privelage.
"To be known is to be loved", remember?
The more people know of you the more people will love you. How could they not?
You are lovable. You may say (you may not) "But you don't know what I've done, you don't know about me, if you knew this about me you may feel differently..." Not true. You are lovable, you are loved. I love to bits Iona. Don't you ever doubt it.
My dear, dear Iona,
I'm about 20 years older than you and I can't be brave enough to write this. Gosh Iona you so impress me. I so would love to hug you and tell you "I so love you sister". You are incredible and God will use you in amazing ways.I see such a ministry there.
I'm learning that God can use the worse of experience and turn it upside down for the best.
You are one of the most sincere christian I know and I like it. Don't delete the blog...it will touch all the readers. Most of us wear masks, you are brave enough to share the struggle. Thank you Iona for what you bring to i61 and to my life. I understand what you mean by "don't want to be a burden", this is usually why I don't share the real me...because I hurt and I don't want to be a burden. There are people you will learn to trust and feel comfortable with. Those people are the one you can share stuff with and be totally real...those people will not take you as a burden, they will love being trusted. Thank you Iona for being so real to yourself and to us... You are a natural teacher!
I love you so much,
Fabienne xx
(20 years older...gosh could be your mother!! Don't look that old do i???. Let's keep it sister/sister shall we...) :)
I'm so glad God can see through guff
Tell us about France, the, sweet thing.
we missed you!!!!
yes go on, tell us about France ... pleeaaassseee
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